Thursday, 20 November 2008

Moment of Truth

This is what we call your life background...I dont know how to describe myself..but one thing for sure, I am thankful for what I have..hubby, kiddies and family...knowing aku..nothing special about it..

According to CikPuling, takmo ingat citer2 sedey....hehehhe...well, I have more hurt/stress/sadness story compare to my background. It's OK. Why do I decide to share or disclose this grey part (which I dont really know what is the real version of this story) is because, I am 100% accept this facts...I didn't deny the truth of my background. Having this background brought me to who I am today, takpe..alhamdulillah..jumpa my darling hubby *muah!*.

Dapat jumpa CikPuling, ko guano CP? =).

Let me share this, at least I know where is exactly I'm coming from...and no matter who am I right now, I will not ever forget...

I was born in Kelantan, grow up with my adopted parents. Parents that love me very much. I'm not sure wether my real parents love me or not, but I do believe everything happen for a reason. The true siblings, I have 3 elder sisters and 1 elder brother and as in my current family, I am the youngest (but only with my 1 elder brother). My first school is Sek.Keb.Gunong, somewhere in ermmm...Bachok kot, betol ke ek, yer dah kot. Aku pengawas dulu...wearing maroon tudung and kain, huh..takmo ingat, tak vouge langsung!

Firstly Ever Connected
This is the place where I am firstly get connected with my true/real parents. When I was 6 yrs old, aku dah tergedik2 nak masuk sekolah, yer la semua gang2 lain masuk darjah satu, apa kes aku sorang nak kene maintain at Tadika, kan? So, masukla aku Std 1 when I was 6 years old..yeyy..when I was in standard 3, aku jumpa sorang cikgu kelas yang bernama Maheran. Baik satu macam ngan aku (of course dia tahu aku lompat kelas segala kan?cikgu kelas la plak). Takper la kan, dah cikgu kelas kene la baik kan, lagipun aku kecik2 ni cute kot (ngeh ngeh ngeh)...kan pernah cipta nama lari dalam toilet sbb tanak buat show kan? *LOL*

Satu hari..dia ajak aku n the gang pergi umah die, die nak tunang katanya..so lepas mintak izin parents, maka berangkatlah kami 4/5 sekawan, tak ingat sangat dah. Yang pasti, pertunangan Cikgu tu serentak dengan majlis kahwen abang dia. Shorten the story, bila malam, baru aku ditemukan dgn wife abang dia. So, berderet-deretla kami beratur untuk salam wife abang dia yang time tu freshly bride lagi. Bila tiba time aku salam, the bride suddenly cried and hug aku mcm gila, tp kene control takut make-up rosak heheheh....so aku yg mmg dah ada unsur2 gila glamer, bangga habis la time tu..apsal lak aku dpt previllage dipeluk sedemikian rupa?

So, can u guys imagine, in the point of view seorang kanak2 which is ony 8 years old that time.Pelik. Heran. So, tanpa pikir panjang aku pun akur lah dengan situasi dengan assumption, aku adalah yang kedua cute malam tu selepas pengantin itu. hehehhe...

tanpa mengetahui itulah kali pertama aku temui darah daging aku sendiri, kakak aku yang sulong...

Life goes on, aku hidup cam biaser, sampai la masuk standard 6. Before this..I normally write my name with my daddy's name, untill nak UPSR
daddy finally reveals the truth when I have to used my real name for the exam. Moms cried, but I dont really remember exactly how was my feeling...

as far as I can remember, there is one feeling..feeling like as long as this family will love me as they love before, I have nothing to loose, I didnt deny the fact..but I am happy just they way I am..

I got 3A 1B for my UPSR..and dpt iview untuk sekola kat Kota Bharu. It was successful, then I start my form 1 at SMU (A) MMP...betol2 belakang pasaraya/shopping centre, tgh2 Kota Bharu yer puan-puan..see? I am born to shop...hari2 dok dengar lagu from pasaraya pantai timur ittew...ilmu pun masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri....


Secondly get connected


my form 1 is actually remove class...probation la kononnya. So, this is the place where I met the rest of my sisters. Hrmm...time aku dok kelas Peralihan Dua. Tme tu, hari2...time rehat jer, ada jer minah2 yang dtg dok usha aku...so, aku ala-ala James Bond, terus riki2...rupanya akak2 ni akak2 form lower 6 time tu.

Ada lagi satu group..(selepas di '999' kan), aku dpt tahu yang akak2 ni adalah akak2 form 3...haihhh..sapa dorang ni? so, aku spt biase, control cun. Biasa la skola semua pompuan..so, nak kene minat sesama sendiri la kan, peminat aku la kot. Sekali..satu hari sorang akak panggil nak jumpa aku. Panik. Apsai. Nak brainwash aku ke...tp die takde gaya pengawas pun..taiko2 ader la...hahahha. Mula la aku senaraikan kesalahan2 aku sebagai budak hingusan dari kampung yang membawa diri ke sekolah tgh2 bandar, nak jadi ala-ala up-town-girl...hanyutkah aku? hehehhehe...kesalahan aku time tu:

1. pakai stokin pendek
2. kdg2 tak pakai name tag
3. selalu bawak komik
4. suka tulis lirik lagu

but...

finally die cuma nak ngaku, dialah kakak aku yg kedua and the other group tu, kakak aku yang ketiga...huhh..buang karan aku jer. Seperti biase aku yang stone ni juga tiada ape2 heart feeling...wpun aku dpt tahu dah sikit2 version kenapa aku dibuang sendiri oleh femli aku...hrmm..takper la..at least aku kenal dah sapa darah daging aku...yg pasti aku la yang paling cute...hehehhe...

so...

when I was in form 4, I managed to get myself in MRSM Jasin. Still I get in touch dengan dorang. sampaila aku masuk UKM..one of my sis kat UPM..so kitorang still in touch jugak. with my siblings, I am considered 'slow' and 'kurang laris' sbb I dont have any bf untill I did my Msc. Kirenya dorang tu masuk je U terus dpt kapel, in fact yang UPM tu, time 2nd year degree dah kawen! maklum la...they all self-funded kan semua benda, kalo ada hubby lagi senang kan, takde la nak sesat mana. heh..lagi nak guna alasan laku kan? kejam...apepe pun..aku ngan kakak2 aku rapat..but not with my real parents, jumpa pun baru berapa kali...

Yang kedua tu pun abih jer blaja terus kawen gak. Yang first (yg peluk aku awal2 tu) lagila awal kawen, dah tak skola tinggi kan. Ada ke dia kata die penah crash dengan Sabri Yunos...sib baik tak jadi kawen ngan mamat tu...kalo tak dpt abang ipar artis nehhh...ngeh ngeh ngeh. Aku dengan akak aku yang first ni lebih kurang sama la muka. Lagi aku nak claims aku plg cute kan? sah2 aku yg paling lambat kawen. Tp according tu dorang, ayah aku orang China Yunan, mak aku plak org Siam. Apa significant die aku tak pasti, sbb apa2 pun keturunan kite, still kene ada duit nak beli nasik, nak idup!

Maka..aku jalani hidup aku seperti biase....

But..

there is one part that is very sensitive for me. About acknowledgement and appreciation.

Being Siti Suhara, I appreciate my adopted parents and famili more compare to others. It's not that I am not thankful to my real parents. I just dont know to placed them in my life. I didnt deny the truth. Yes they are my parents, my biological parents. But, I love my adopted parents very much as I can feel how they love me, very much.

Especially my mom, she's very fragile about this. Very. Dekat umah aku, dekat belakang rumah, ada satu buaian yang dah buruk berkarat and she refused to dispose sampai la skang. I dont bother about it untill one day she told me the story of that buaian. That buaian is mine, she took it from rumah my nenek.

My nenek (bongkok 3) yang took care of me, feeding me with air kosong (since we dont have money to buy milk and I was left by my mother) with all difficulties. When my mom saw me for the very first time, I
was crying because of hungry (I was 20days old that time) tergolek dekat anjung dapur, the only bhg rumah yang boleh duduk. The rest of the house dah runtuh. My attire? Hanya dibaluti napkin dengan perut yang maha buncit sebab kembung. My mom, as she promised to my mother, will take care of me, had to fight with my father (since my father didnt know my mother's plan about me). My father said to my mom, if you insist to take the baby, please pay for that buaian...that is why until now my mom keep the buaian....and being my mom, that was the moment she promised to herself, she will take care of this baby..no matter what was the amount she has to pay,she believed that the value of the baby isn't only RM35......she paid..she promised that she will take care of me and 2 June 2004, aku dinikahkan dengan hantaran yang bukan RM35...hehhehe...see, bukan RM35.... =) *hehhee*

anyway...thank you mommy...


sedey tak aku knowing that literature?


ade la sikit...RM35 tu..skang nak makan pizza huts pun taklepas...ngeh ngeh ngeh


That version is from my mom and I am not really sure what kind of version gonna come out from my mother plak. They used to be good friend before. Ntah. Takperlah.For me, that chapter is OK. I mean..itu citer dulu...


However


Yang paling meruntun hati aku is when my sister brought me to meet my grandma yang bongkok tiga tu, time tu I was in form 4, curik2 balek from mrsm and meet my sister. I met my grandma in the same house, the one that my mom firstly met me. But that house already rennovated, yer la..my sisters and abang semua dah keje and ada umah sendiri, mampu dah la nak baiki. Lagipun grandma insist tanak tinggalkan that place.

Bila aku sampai..you guys know what.......

she still can recognised me....after 17 years ..even her eyes dah samar2 n tak berapa terang..and terus teka nama aku sambil heret badan dia (dah uzur sangat dah) menghampiri aku and touch my hand...and...

this was the first time ever I cried when I first met my true darah daging...meeting someone who fed me before I was fed by my mommy....


hrmm....so that is basically my story...

yang penting...I'm happy and thankful for what I have now....

and I will take care of my kids..no matter what happens...




13 comments:

ieda said...

kesusahan/kelukaan/kesedihan kiter masa silap membentuk diri kiter jadi stone skrg..hehehe..mgkin tanpa keperitan masa silap takkan membentuk kite menjadi kuat sperti skrg..seteguh karang..

forgot bout the past..just remember there are still many people who really love you...

Muslimah Perth said...

alahai, wanita bernama siti suhara ni hidupnya meman penuh dengan drama kalah 'sinderella, natasha' dan mana2 lagi drama2 hebat kat tv.. sampai sekarang ek sufee? takpe.. itu yang buat kau tabah and kuat.. dan aku doakan hidup ko lepas ni lebih bahagia lagi..syukur ko dpt sebuah keluarga yg best dan anak2 cute, kwn2 yg baik (ehem, termasuk aku la ek) dan amik berat pasal ko, and ko pandai sampai jadi lecturer and tgh buat phd.. i wish u all the best, sufee. take care :)

YuS~N3 said...

tak sangka kisah ko masa kecik2 sedih..dulu tengok ko happy go lucky jek..tp ye la..Allah tu Maha Adil..dulu ko susah..tapi sekarang Dia dah bagi kau kebahagiaan..

Ms Red Hat said...

Dear suhara,

your story moved me to tears. I have a sister that my mum had to give away when i was small. My parents were divorced and at that time my mum who was a housewife and uneducated with 5 kids had to give her away because we were not financially sound. My sister has never forgiven my mum though she has a good life compared to all of us. I tried to make her understand what my mum had to go through and she just refused to understand. Your adopted parents are your parents but make a room no matter how small it is to your biological friends. We are all victims of circumstances but we have to reda and thanks to our past experiences for they made us what we are today. I wish you the best of luck in your studies and i am sure that you will have a great future ahead

Salam
Salina

S.u.F.e.e said...

ieda: yepp..that's true, I just pray for the best..

sheri: of course you will always be one of my best buddies...thanks..bila nak mai UK?

Salina:
Thanks for drop by..well u penah jumpa ur sis skang? =)

S.u.F.e.e said...

Yus: aku mmg napok supo happy go lucky jah...hehheheh..tp dlmn aku toklah kuat mano..huhuhu..cuma wak2 debbe...

comey_lote said...

sedihnyaaa... :-(
every one has their own twist and turn in their life, no matter what, it happened for a reason and it's up to us how to contemplate it

Anonymous said...

weh sirius aku toktau pun cito mung ni sblm nih...oooo patutla muko mung jauh bena bezo mung dgn abg mung, mami mung nge dedi mung...tapi mami dgn dedi mung mmg mulia lah...beruntung mung..
-meklih-

Yani Yusuf said...

weh..sedey la...masing2 ada kisah tersendiri...

Asmida said...

sufi,

nangis aku baca entry mu nih. aku rasa aku tabah tapi bila aku baca...lain perasaan aku. Be strong, babe. Whatever happens, we're in this together!

II riEnAsHaM II said...

aikk..ct..aku kena mung jak dok mmp lg tapi tok tau plok mung ni anok angkat..huhu..sedey laa..tapi gak loni muroh rezeki doh dih..

SNS said...

aku pun cam nak nangis baca... ko tulis lagi sedih dari ko citer ngan mulut hehe

K.e.e.N~si empunya blog said...

sufee..u make me cry..and still crying while jotting down this comment..isk isk isk..(aku masih ratu airmata sampai sekarang...)